Candy and ‘The Suspect Parent’: Stash the Sugar for Yourself!

Why kid yourself when it comes to your kid’s health? He can’t consume ALL the sugar available in the house, so here’s how to save some for yourself.

You’re an adult and know better than anyone how to take care of your health. That’s a given and an assumption, and you know devouring candy, ice cream, and repeated desserts will eventually kill you or break the scale you use to weigh yourself.

Kids do not, and when it comes to Halloween, they are like a shark who rolls their eyes back when they are about to gorge themselves on some unsuspecting hunk of flesh floating in the ocean…. I.e. open mouth, insert truckloads of sugar.

I’m also going to assume you implement reasonable levels of discipline when it comes to your child’s consumption of candy. The trick, which represents a parental treat, is dissuading children from regularly consuming high-octane foods…

…so, you can preserve these when you want to treat yourself. Come on, you deserve it! A box of Frosted Flakes once in a while never killed anyone and admit it… you LOVE IT! Maybe it’s something else or you have a once-a-month hankering for a Dairy Queen Blizzard.

Here’s the key tactic to implement when it comes to snacks or high-fat foods you want to enjoy without ruining your child’s health: hide it.

You read that correctly. I’m advising you to deceive your children with reckless abandon.  

Here’s what I discovered as the grocery shopper in our house. My son consistently joined me while tackling this chore for the first several years of his life. He picked up on everything. He knew from the packaging, not the brand names, what tasted good and what did not. By the age of four, his finger relentlessly pointed at every cookie, sugary cereal, and every treat that was bad for him. I was quite amazed how quickly he picked up on this and it vexed me to no end.

But he’s smart as a whip, so my only regret when it comes to his intelligence will eventually be the ivy-league bill I receive in four annual installments come 2032.

I confess that’s a pipe dream and a first-world problem I would love to have. Let’s get back to the subject of deception.

Halloween candy is easy to conceal. We keep it in a large and concealed bag (out of reach) and slowly dole it out over a few weeks. We also tell our son he can enjoy X amount over the week and to be smart about it – don’t consume it all in 3-4 servings. That part is easy, but what about other treats?

If a package is in plain sight, your kids will request it. So, eliminate that visual opportunity whenever you can.

First up – lay cereal boxes down. If it’s Kix or Rice Krispies, no worries, but for sugary stuff reserve space that is out of reach and more importantly, out of sight. Once your kid spots it there’s no turning back.

Second, most people store batteries in the refrigerator. If you do not, it’s actually a smart way to preserve the charge. Have a special treat for a Sunday weekend like Pillsbury Grands? Bury it behind a package of double-A batteries. No kid ever looks in this particular fridge drawer and it works every time.

Candy Corn is once-a-year fetish and I consume it while given little-to-no-thought about my diabetic-decision making. Frankly, it’s pathetic, but even more so when I strive to prevent my son from consuming more than I do at any given time. Stash it up high and away from your sugar-obsessed child around Halloween by hiding it as high as you can.

The other trick I like to use is to preserve an empty box of frozen hamburger patties. I’m a huge fan of Bubba Burgers, one of the best-frozen burgers on the market. Once a package is finished, keep the empty packaging in the freezer and stash ice cream bars within it. This also prevents another con artist from eating the parental treats you are hiding – the babysitter! This person comes equipped with a miniature vacuum – namely, their mouth. Who’s going to look in a Bubba Burger cardboard box?

Exactly, my friend – no one! That is choice real estate in the game of deceit.

Unleash your inner devil and let him rule the roost so you can play the role of a responsible parent – and an irresponsible adult to reward yourself from time to time.

Other Posts from The Father Apprentice You May Enjoy:

The Art of ‘Ghosting’ – A New Trick That’s a Treat for Everyone

The Value of Tomfoolery and Pranks: Part 1

Plastic Killing our Oceans? Bad. Old-School Lunch Tins? Awesome

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